Oh dear god
What can I possibly say in its defence.
Um. Well, the first 5 minutes almost showed promise. I think that's about it. Now that I've had a fair shot at being NICE about it.... I'll fill in the blanks. It sucks. Even my mother (of 70) who is a DEVOUT believer found this to be insulting, unwatchable, and a waste of time. She turned it off before the end. Me, I'm not that way inclined, and I thought it was utter crap too. So, two people from very opposite sides couldn't stand it. Anyhow, other than that... continuity... effects... sound editing... a finite number of monkeys (perhaps 10) randomly using typewriters and sticky back plastic WOULD have done better. Watch this film if you're gonna die tomorrow.. it will make you feel pleased at the prospect.. People look at something - can we see it?
Apocalypse is defined by the dictionary as both: an event involving
great and widespread destruction and/or the final destruction of the world, as described in the biblical book of Revelation. This event did almost cause great and widespread destruction of my brain. But lets continue anyway. Firstly we meet a group of unrelated friends who seem to be the first victims of said biblical event. One dies during an "unluckiest pee ever" type event and that already, having brought tears to my eyes (laughter) is one reason to watch the first few minutes of this movie. Another dies soon after having failed to notice the large magma rock in front of him (clumsy). The titles roll and we meet Jason and his friend (I think he must have been Travis). They're on call out - although there job remains unclear until later, Park Rangers apparently. They've been called out to a large asteroid that seems to have impacted into someones house - I assume Park Rangers job descriptions have increased somewhat. They fail to be able to resolve this problem and drive off into a shower of meteors. Jason has a number of scenes where he looks in amazement (wooden amazement) at things the viewer can't see. Initially you can forgive this as a budget saving device. After the third time... The film flits between Jason and Ashley (his estranged wife who throughout the film reminds him to pray, re-take God into his life, although it appears Jason didn't want him there in the first place and nagging him to find their daughter). And Lindsay and Andrew who are staying put until mum comes for Lindsay as mum managed to get a clear line through even though a major center was destroyed by an asteroid. The apocalypse seems to mean that people can wheel their bikes into churches, landslides occur on what seems to be flat ground, People disappear (although I'm not sure about Travis and the dog... I think he just stole it), bankers to do horrendously bad hijacks lying in the middle of the road when all other people are disappearing so he should be able to find a car somewhere and estranged wives to say, "I love you", when her and her husband come across a number of abandoned cars. After a twister rips Lindsay's house apart and Andrew (it's only a flesh wound) lies around feeling sorry for himself it is clear that this was filmed by a busy airport as you can constantly hear sounds of planes landing taking off and generally buzzing around. (Sound engineer anyone?) And then suddenly the special effects department pull a stunner (for them) out of the bag as Jason and Ashley's plane is caught in a meteor storm. They survive the crash (Hmmmm!) only for Ashley to be killed by a broken cross - which is possibly the second most amusing part of the film. I won't spoil the ending but must add that although the music is well done at the beginning it is obvious that they ran out of ideas and the same tune seems to drag through the whole film until at the end they finally use something different. Unfortunately this tune was made famous in my country to advertise bread and so the impact is not quite the same. I've only rated this with 2 stars as it certainly gave me some laughs. Although that, I cannot believe, was the intention.. |
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